Hug Me, I Need You.

So I haven't blogged in a while. This is relative, considering that I have friends (*cough* Emily Lynn and Chelsei Henderson) who forget to write blogs for months at a time. I think I've gone maybe a week and a half. Okay, 8 days. Not even a week and a half. But given my previous trend of writing blogs every other day, 8 days should have been almost 4 entries.

Really, I haven't been blogging because blogging would've meant having to be open and honest with my readers (however few there are), and I don't think I could've done that. I don't think I could've been honest about everything going through my head, and that bothered me enough to not blog.

Anyway. Aside from the massive emotional/spiritual crises I've been having, I've been thinking a lot about love. Everyone's favorite four-letter word. But I think that's a blog post for another day.

I posted shortly after arriving in Honduras about it feeling like home to me. I showed my favorite quote from Jamie The Very Worst Missionary's blog: "Home is where the will of God supersedes my own."

I don't know where home is anymore. I don't feel like I've come home. Home is a lot of places.

Home is my dry erase board. My dry erase board that takes all of my frustrations and all of my curiosities and all of my joys. And it does so without judgment, without retaliation, without anything. Right now, I have three scriptures (1 Peter 1:13, 1 John 4:1, and James 4:7) written up there in different colors, and the word "SURRENDER" in all caps in orange on it. No real reason why, it's just been what's on my mind. I also, in smaller letters, have the word "Home?" written in red, tilting upwards.

Home, for me, is being held. I know that sounds strange. But I'm a touch person, and home is that moment where you no longer have to rely on your own strength, and someone else's presence completely encompasses you. It's the closeness of being able to feel their breath and their heartbeat. It's the tender words in the whispers. It's a lot of things.

Every time I feel that, especially from someone I'm very close to, it's coming home.

Hug me, I need you.

So, if you see me, hug me. It very easily could be the highlight of my day.