An Introduction to Emily's Brain.

So, I haven't been blogging these past couple weeks. For one, life has been insanely busy and I've hardly had time to breathe, let alone think up a blog post (Keedy, I will respond to your email. Keep bugging me.) and two I'm sure any blog post I could've written would've been extremely depressing.

Today though, I'm good.

Today, I am loved.

Over the last two weeks, which have been more than difficult, the thing I've most looked forward to (other than the trip to Birmingham for Granny's funeral.), has been church. I've so looked forward to immersing myself in worship. Worship is one of my very favorite things (when I refer to worship I generally mean worship via music, but there are many many other forms of this. but that's a post for another day.) because it's one of the very few only time that the thought part of my brain shuts down.


First: An Explanation of How Emily's Brain Works.

Something like this picture. That's what the inside of my brain looks like. Now, when any of you catch me staring off into space, just know that it's me trying to weave my way through my thoughts and find a coherent space.

1. My brain has many seemingly unrelated connections.

If you've ever heard me talk, you've probably heard something like this:
"Yeah, and so then... OH!!! DO YOU REMEMBER..." Today, I actually made the jump from bulimia to styrofoam, without missing a beat. This confuses a lot of people, and is exactly why I can't speak (or preach, as Kevin calls it) without writing down what I have to say. No one would be able to follow it.

Of course, if you ask me, I can probably outline for you how I got from one place to the other.

2. My brain is 'layered'. 

This just means that I can have many different thoughts going on at once. There's the front of my brain, and then the counter argument right behind it, then the counter-counter argument behind that and it goes on and on deep and forever....

3. My brain has a broken filter. 


I have a friend, Jared, who vlogged about how some people are born without "brain to mouth" filters. Well, I wasn't born without one, but mine is broken. By 'broken', I mean my words get stuck. I'll know exactly what I want to say, but the words won't come out and I end up looking like an idiot, until I take a deep breath and press the "override" button on my brain to mouth filter. Then I'm usually able to say what I want to say. This usually only happens when I'm excited.

4. My brain is loud and chaotic. 

Some people have made the observation that I don't really have a "whisper" function. Well, now you know, you can blame the inside of my brain. The different 'layers' (see #2) all like to be heard and all at the same time. This makes everything in my brain very very loud. I think I'm trying to talk over myself.

5. My brain works in pictures. 

Lots and lots of pictures. Different things have different images associated with it. Directions, for example, work in a series of snapshots with little captions. And until I see where the snapshot is, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I am ever thankful for google maps picture view thing.  


I love worship because I reach a point where it all gets quiet. It takes seemingly forever, but I reach a place where there are no more second guesses, no more screaming, no more thoughts trying to be heard and appreciated, just...something else. I can't really label that 'something else', just that it's quiet. It's calm. It's restful. With everything that has happened, it's been so much worse than usual. So every time I've been getting the chance for everything to be quiet, I've done everything in my power to get to it. Today was a day like that.


(Disclaimer: For those of you who are going to say something like "you can worship outside church!", I know, but it's a lot easier to worship in church. I also get to do such in the vehicle. I love my vehicle. He has to see the doctor tomorrow though. His main belt has cracks in it. And, now that it's warming up, I'm getting my heat fixed!

That's all for now, folks. :)